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How to give a massage to your wife or husband

Updated 30/05/2024

Techniques to give a massage to your wife or husband Massage is a simple, effective and wonderful way of connecting intimately with your husband or wife or partner. It relieves stress, muscle tension and pain, promotes intimacy and strengthens relationships and bonds. By circulating blood, a massage dissipates pain-stimulating toxins bringing nutrient-rich, health-promoting blood into muscle and tissue, allowing deep relaxation and a feeling of mutual well-being and intimacy. While all the ‘bad stuff’ gets drained.

Preparing for the Massage

Decide what you want to do first and make a plan in your mind. If the intention is to help your partner to relax after a hard day at work, or muscular tension or pain relief, then it is best to start with a hot bath in a dimly lit bathroom. Prepare the body and disconnect from the everyday things plaguing our minds like outside noise the tv and your phone. If the intention is intimacy then you may both relax in the hot bath. Use essential oils to free your mind, relieve tension and prepare for the massage. Whether it be to destress and remove tension or intimacy, it is best to soothe your mind and body first. If a bath is not possible, then an oil burner is invaluable- allow the scent to fragrance the room. They can even help you relax.

General Techniques to the Perfect Massage no matter the aims

The basic principles are simple and easy to follow:

  • Massage away from the direction of the heart; This is very import due to blood circulation
  • Start with light massage using soft gliding motion for general relaxation;
  • Survey the body noting areas of tightness and congestion then gradually massage deeper into the tissue to stimulate circulation working at trouble spots like knots.
  • Leave them to relax naturally before returning periodically to them later, the rule is chip away gradually at the tension instead of going in full force;
  • Use a gentle kneading motion on knots and areas of tension, alternate this with gentle stroking to encourage muscular relaxation.
  • When tension is persistent employ gentle kneading and rocking motion. But not too hard.
  • The release of tension is often accompanied by sighs and exhalations. When you get it right you will see the breath deepening;
  • Massage should not be painful. There is a difference between soreness and sharp stabbing pain.
  • Soreness can be massaged but sharp stabbing pains or persistent pain needs medical intervention;
  • Start with the back and work your way to the front. Start at the top and work your way to the bottom;
  • Hands and feet have special trigger points and are a map of the entire body.
  • Pay special attention to the hands and feet. You can find out more about this from Reflexology and Acupressure’s Tsing points;
  • Use a rich luxurious lubricant like almond oil to reduce friction and to moisten, soften and feed the skin.
  • Add a few drops of essential oils – these are a good start – Ylang Ylang, Jasmine, Rose, Cedarwood and Clary Sage;
  • If you mutually agree to massage each other then agree who massages first and exchange the order the next time to ensure some fairness
  • Remember that this is mutual service and massage is most effective when it is regular so keep the love going;
  • Take pleasure in it.
  • Explore the body of your partner and genuinely care.
  • Remember touch was one of the first modes of communication you experienced as a child.
  • You feel genuine care and love in a touch.
  • When your spouse is massaging you let them know what is working and often you can do so without having to say too much if anything;
  • Be gentle, for though it may seem counter-intuitive, the most deeply relaxing massage is gentle;

Intimate Massage

Men will often use sexual activity to relax whilst women need to be relaxed and stress free to activate their sexual response. Although men may use sexual activity for stress management, the deeper or higher experiences of intimacy only happen when we relax. Erotic Massage is an excellent aspect of foreplay. Once relaxation has happened blood circulation makes the skin sensitive. Use feather-like gentle strokes following the indicating movements of your partner. There are erogenous zones on the body such as the neck, genitals and feet. Use this type of massage to explore each others’ bodies and responses. In women you will find that this will change drastically so that it must be approached with the spirit of gentle exploration, adventure and responsiveness to change.

Above all, be open minded and feel free to try new things and techniques. It will add greater power to your intimacy and relationship.

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